A Whole New Journey- And Not Alone

EPh-01038 As I sit in the Airport heading to California right now I am reflecting on how hard this past few days have been. To be honest, the last 5 months have been really rough. If you read my last blog post which I wrote in the Fall, this one will make more sense. If you haven’t, now would be a good time to pause and read it before this. Life as a full-time, in the field “Missionary” isn’t just playing with kids and taking cute photos and hanging out with American teams that come on short term trips. There is a lot of responsibility that comes along with being the only American on the ground here in Haiti. I have a lot of jobs and I enjoy most every one of them. It is so fun and the most rewarding job you will find.  I have felt more valuable and used by God since I have been living in Haiti than I have ever felt before.   Having to depend on God all day, everyday for literally everything while being here is such an awesome challenge and a blessing.  God shows up when you need him and you ask.  Here in Haiti you need him CONSTANTLY just to survive. Though this has been my favorite job that I have had yet, there are a lot of everyday things that many people aren’t aware of or don’t completely understand. Even those that have been here for a short time.  Living without consistency can be very taxing on an American girl from Southern California.  Will I have electricity all day today? Is the food I’m eating safe? Will the road be clear to drive where I need to go today? Will my internet function long enough to talk to my family on Skype?  Will I remember my Creole enough to speak to the Haitians I need to today? Will I have water pressure or need to shower with a cup?  There are many questions every day that go along with normal functions here, not to mention all of the other factors of being in full-time ministry.  Satan is never happy when we are happy, and if we are doing God’s work full-time, he is not happy EVER.  We become a huge target for him to come after day in and day out with any frustration or turbulence he could possible throw at us. And then…..being alone. Have you ever been single and moved far away from friends and family and felt isolation like you’ve never experienced before? It’s rough. Compile that on top of not having many of your day to day American luxuries like hot showers, clean faucet water, working vehicles or paved roads….and it’s a tough place to be. It’s taken me a long time to meet people here in Haiti. Part of that has been my lack of independence and ability to drive myself many places. Other factors are being busy with my position, but also just not knowing how to go about meeting people.  Though my directors have been great for me with transitioning down here, they have never lived here full-time.  Because of that, there will always be a certain amount of disconnect and they weren’t able to prepare me enough or completely understand life here to set me up with the tools I need to live a fulfilled life here. I am lucky in that, once I realized I have needed certain things, they are awesome and understanding and willing to help me.  The problem is, when you know you’re unhappy but you don’t know the solution, you don’t ask. At least, I don’t.  I have always been an independent self-sufficient person that could figure most things out.  This has been a whole unknown world for me down here though. E-00806 As you read in my last post, this Fall tested my loneliness and independence on another level. I won’t repeat the reasons why, but I found myself in a place I have never been before. It was dark.  I pray I never have to go through that again.  In that darkness, in searching for a way out of that lonely desperate place, I messed up.  I made a wrong choice one night that I cannot take back. I am now 5 months pregnant.  I found this out while I was in the US for the Holidays with my family and to say that this has been a rough time is an under statement. Not only did I make a mistake while in such a desperate time for me, but I have had to face my family, my directors and board of my organization, but also all of the amazing supporters of my ministry. I immediately felt horrified at how disappointed they must be in me and how could I make such a awful mistake. How could I screw up this bad after having such amazing, prayerful and financial support from the most loving people that believed in me. To be honest I struggled with God on some levels also.  How could he let this happen? Why didn’t he just answer my prayers and comfort me?   He knew I was struggling so why did he let satan come in and try to fill that void for me?  Why did he ever trust me to come here if he knew this was going to happen? Remember what I said in the beginning of this post. God shows up.  As soon as this happened, I was blessed to have time with my American pastor here and confess and pray with him about my situation. The hurt, the shame, the disappointment in myself and what I’m capable of when I’m being tested. This was a month before I found out I was pregnant. I am so blessed that God allowed that time for me to heal. To know and fully understand that God’s grace covers ALL of our sins.  To know that being a Missionary doesn’t mean you’re not human. It doesn’t put you in a bubble away from satan and his tactics to kill and destroy….it propels you towards them.  My pastor had wise words and precious prayers for me that day and I am so blessed by that.  A few weeks later when I found out I was pregnant, he was the first that I told and he gave me biblical words of wisdom again.  I was able to hear that I wasn’t being “punished” and that God may be filling a void that I didn’t even know I had. The next few weeks were full of tears, a lot of tears, and an overwhelming amount of Grace.  There’s no doubt that there is disappointment from people. But even more than that, God has shown up in the words, faces and hugs from people in my life. Some are close friends, family, and supporters, and some from people I don’t know well at all.  I have had encouragement and perspective when I need it.  I wish I could explain how incredible of a feeling it is see God use the people in my life to support me during this time. It has not been easy, but I am blessed beyond belief.  Even through the tears, God has given me his peace that passes all understanding. I read a devotional that my Momma sent me and it said this; “God’s love for us is a full-awareness love. An ‘I know exactly what it’s going to cost Me to love this girl’ kind of love. God looks at your ugliest life moments and says, ‘I love you anyway.’ You live at the intersection of being fully known and fully loved. You live under the umbrella of a love you cannot lose. Rest in that love. Let it set you free to be all who God made you to be.” This situation does not disqualify me from my ministry or the plan God has for my life. It’s changed the direction I thought it was going, but it doesn’t cancel it out.  Nothing surprises God. He knew from day one that this would be my journey and I am allowing him to continue to guide it. IMG_3092.JPG-7On August 3rd, or thereabouts, I will give birth to a little girl. I pray for her everyday. I pray that she is healthy and she grows up to know Christ. I pray that God guides me in every step of raising her. I pray that God sends me a God-fearing, loving man to be my husband and to be her Father. I know that God has something incredible planned for her little life and that he has all along. “It was You [God] who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well. My bones were not hidden from You when I was made in secret, when I was formed in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in Your book and planned before a single one of them began” (Psalm 139:13-16). I am heading home now to be with my family through the remainder of my pregnancy and childbirth. I will miss Haiti more than I can ever describe. Saying goodbye to my Haiti family and kids this week has been heart wrenching to say the least. I pray that God will be bring me back with my little girl. I don’t know if that will be soon or far off from now. He knows the plan and I will wait on him to lead me. I am going to continue to work for World Wide Village from my computer in California. There is still a lot for me to do from there, and my heart is still with them and Haiti. I am praying for God’s financial guidance and provision while I work for WWV from home.Eph-01065 Thank you. You will hear from me again soon as this new journey continues, but thank you for being part of this journey with me. Thank you for your prayers and support. Thank you for your grace and understanding and encouraging words. Thank you. *Cynthia Foster

There has been a ton of questions thrown at me during this time.  If you have some, I have provided some frequently asked ones to help.
FAQ’s: Q-  Will the Father be involved?
A- No. He is Haitian and we are not in a relationship and we decided that I will do this on my own and I am happy with that.
Q- How long will you be in the states?
A- I have no idea. I would love to bring my baby girl and move right back after she is a few months old, but I don’t pretend to know what having a newborn will be like. It also worries me to move back to Haiti alone again, especially with a baby. God has it under control and I am keeping him in control of what the next phase of our lives will look like.
Q- Where are you going to live?
A- My parents are loving and gracious and are letting me live with them in LA while I finish my pregnancy and have the baby. I will see what the future holds past that.
Q- How involved will you stay with World Wide Village?
A- They have shown me grace and want me to stay part of their organization and I want to as well. Like I said, I can do a lot of my position from my computer so I will do as much as possible and pray for provision as I volunteer with them.
Q- What will you name your little Girl?
A- Shekainah Ann Foster.  When I went on a mission’s trip 13 years ago, I met a little girl named Shekainah Glory that became my sidekick that week. She had such an impact on me that trip and I have said since then that if I ever had a little girl, I would name her after her. Besides, can you get any better than a word that means the dwelling place of God’s divine presence?? 🙂


My Journey- Year 2 in Haiti

Me and my baby Yberman

Me and my baby Yberman

It has been a LONG time since I have posted a blog.  Since my blogs often come out of specific circumstances or situations, I find it hard to blog without a complete plan or story. I realize though, that by not blogging regularly you are not able to completely be a part of my journey….and for that I apologize.

It has been an interesting year. If I’m being completely transparent, it is has not been easy. I have been settled here and I have known what to expect this year, which has made it a different dynamic than last year. It is still everything that I have been praying and looking forward to and I have known what to look for in this new life of mine. This comes with excitement and controversy.

This year I have experienced the fullness of living as a full-time Missionary. It has been full of amazing teams from the US, and new awesome opportunities to meet others, just like myself, that are here and serving in one capacity or an other. I have become more independent and started driving on my own, just to places near my house, but still….it’s amazing and exhilarating. I have a new church that I identify with and that is full of broken and bruised Christians, wanting more of our Father God and His word.


Interns at a Waterfall


Interns…gangsta style yo.

One of my positions with World Wide Village is to recruit and Supervise our College Interns during the Summer Break. This year, they were here fromJune 1st-August 1st. I didn’t think, after last year’s ladies that I would possibly be pleased or compare, but God outdid himself this year. I had the most amazing group of ladies that I was able to learn from and grow, and hopefully teach a thing or two about full-time ministry in a foreign country. They ministered to me so much with their Faith and Humor whilst doing God’s work. They were able to provide for me some friendships that I desperately needed and long for while I’m alone here for so long.



Kayla and I and our tour guide Patrick!



Snorkeling with Kayla!







I was also lucky enough to spend a week with one of my most amazing friends from LA, Kayla and we went snorkeling, prayed a lot, and I got to share my life and this beautiful country with her. It was so special to me:-)

I am so blessed by the team members that I have met and that want to bless me individually.  As well as the amazing feeling that I have knowing that I have their prayerful backing for me while I am here in the trenches and working on the follow-up from the teams that come. Sometimes it is easy to follow-up and keep up with those who have come before, but sometimes it is hard! This last week was a recurring team from a church in Iowa with many familiar faces. They are friends and Godly people that have been here to pray and encourage me since last Fall and I so appreciate them. While God is doing a great work through teams like this, the enemy is not stoked. With that comes push back from him that I have mentioned before. This week he took it to a whole new level.


Abby, Allison, and Ali! I love friends on teams:-)

The first ministry/clinic day that this team had on Monday I was hit hard. That night I received some very nasty text messages that were very specific to me and said that I need to leave Haiti within 7 days if I wanted to leave alive. No joke. I’m 33 yrs old and I don’t know about you….but this is my first death threat. I have handled it the best way that I have been instructed to and I have tried to not let myself be crippled by fear. I know that God allowed this to happen this week because I was covered with almost 25 people and their hugs and prayers, not to mention friends and family back home. That definitely takes the edge off but there is still hurt. What could I have possibly done to have someone hate me so much? Should I just leave and not have to worry about these things? Am I just fooling myself that I am doing something worth while here? The words sent were personal and untrue, but still very painful to read.



At the end of the day, God has my back. I don’t believe that He has put me here to be in fear or ineffective. I don’t believe that I have done anything to deserve these threats. I do believe that I have started becoming more independent and comfortable here. I am making it my home, by decorating my room, allowing myself to have comforts that I haven’t experienced here yet, meeting people that call and want to hang out and I can actually build relationships with. That is a threat against my enemy for sure. A threat that I have plans to fulfill God’s plan for me here no matter how long that plan is, and I intend to stick it out. I love my life here and no matter how difficult it is, I know that God has equipped me for it.

We have started the school year here in Haiti and with that comes a lot of responsibility on me and our Student Sponsorship program. It is also my favorite part of what I do here. I am keeping busy and will be heading home for the Holidays on November 20th until the 1st of January.

My Daddio baptizing me again in June in the Caribbean. FAVORITE DAY.

My Daddio baptizing me again in June in the Caribbean. FAVORITE DAY.

In that time, I will need to raise roughly $20,000 to maintain myself here in Haiti for all of 2015. I raised a little less than that for this year, but have since realized it wasn’t quite enough. God is amazing and has provided for my way to be here and I trust and believe that he will again. If you would like to help give towards this daunting number that I need to raise, please visit http://www.gofundme.com/Send-Cynthia-to-Haiti and donate, or send a check to Cynthia Foster to 3147 Encinal Ave, La Crescenta, Ca 91214. Thank you so much for your continued prayers and support. I can tell you honestly, I have felt them this week.

*Cynthia Ann Foster


When You Know You Are Home


The girls with freshly painted fingernails

The enemy knows right where to hit us when we’re down. When I get really busy sometimes I am not good at putting on
my armor to deflect him. I have been back in Haiti now for one month.
Though it feels amazing to be here and is definitely home for me…it has been a tough month. We have some incredible teams coming and one that just left this week and I am already getting hit with the spiritual warfare from what God is going to do here.

The day before I left the states to head back to Haiti my vertigo returned, with a vengeance. I know most of you have never had vertigo, or driven in Haiti, much less driven in Haiti with vertigo. Well, imagine your worst nightmare and there it is. I have also had insane migraines along with ulcer type pains. I have had three Haitian friends of mine within one week’s time tell me that I have gotten a lot fatter since the last time they saw me, or that I need to “put the fork down”…to quote verbatim. Though I have gained weight this past couple months from the cocktail of meds that I have been on through this medical journey, there is no reason for comments like that. I understand the cultural differences between the US and Haiti, but hurtful words are hurtful words. I am not obese, not by any stretch of the imagination, but when weight gain is a result of a spiritual physical attack, it is a rough reality. Especially when he combines it with whispers in your ear….or out loud.

In a year that I have chosen “Worthy” as my word for the year to focus on and accept, those words hit me where it hurts. I am challenging myself to accept the self-worth that God has created in me, and believe that I am worth loving…something that has been very hard for me to believe in the past. I am a child of God and I am His “Beloved” and nothing can take that away from me.

in my sunglasses chillin’ on her new porch

I have grown to love and be part of a family here in Haiti called the Alphonse family. If you have followed me on here or Facebook, you are familiar with them. Calypso, Yberman, and Ysalene are the three children in that family that I spend a lot of time with. Their Mother is a lovely woman that doesn’t have the means to take care of them and, in my opinion, doesn’t know how. Though she has given birth to 10 kids total, it doesn’t seem that she knows what these kids need. I go up to their house and love on these kids at least once a week because they are severely neglected. Because of their social awkwardness it has taken them a long time to warm up to me. One day a few months ago, I asked Ysalene what my name is (since she is quiet I wanted to know if she remembered it). Her response with a big smile was, “Manman” (which means Momma). Calypso laughed and repeated..”Manman Cynthia!!” I didn’t know how to respond at first. It put a huge smile on my face, and yet it made me wonder what their real Mom would think of that.


Ysalene’s photo she gave me

When I first landed back in Haiti after spending the Holidays at home in California, all I wanted to do was go see my kids at the school, especially the Alphonse kids. I spent a few hours up at their house because their Mom was gone at the market and they were all alone, and then I walked back to the school. A few of us were there talking when I see Madam Alphonse come up to us and started speaking in Creole. She told us that she has something for me and to wait while she ran home and came back. When she returned she had a small, wallet size photo of Ysalene. They had recently gotten pictures taken for an event and had prints given to them. Madam explained to us that when they received the prints, Ysalene told her to put this one aside in a safe place for “Manman Cynthia” when she gets back from the US. She handed me the cutest picture I have ever seen. Though she is not smiling (which is standard in Haitian photos), it is perfect. I couldn’t believe that she was so sweet and gracious to give this photo to a random white woman that her daughter calls “Momma”.  I was beyond thrilled and blessed.


Their newly being built home

This week we had the privilege of starting to build a new home for this family. Madam Alphonse is not a friendly, smily woman though I know she is happy that we are doing this for her and her children. While the team built the home alongside of our Haitian construction crew, I took it upon myself to keep the kids busy and away from the chaos. As you can imagine, a lot of neighborhood kids gathered there each day to play with the “Blan” (white folk).

Madam Alphonse and Calypso

Madam Alphonse and Calypso

About the 3rd day of being out there this week Madam was cooking food for the crew. I was sitting near her with a few of the kids. A new kid had showed up that day and was a typical “too cool for school” teenager and was showing off his English to me. He asked me question after question in English and I answered him in Creole and we were getting to know each other. He asked if I had any kids and I said no. Just then, I hear Madam Alphonse speak up and say in Creole, “Yes she does!! She has Ysalene!!” She had a smile on her face. I had no words but definitely a few tears welling up in my eyes. Ysalene gave me a big squeeze and smiled while looking up at me.


Me and Ysalene

Am I making a difference here in Haiti? What is my exact purpose? What can I look at and say that I accomplished? What about my to-do list that keeps growing and growing and never seems to get complete? What about the tough days that no one on our staff is willing when I need them to help me with something? The harsh words of discouragement…both in whispers in my ear for the enemy as well as out loud from others?

In that moment….all questions and concerns were answered.  I shared some very special moments that day while Madam took a pile of pictures out of her humble house and sat next to me. She showed me pictures of all of her kids and we spoke in Creole, without a translator and bonded.  I was able to tell her how beautiful of a family she has and see the smile on her face. These relationships and my witness to her are all that really matter.

I am home.

Here is a video I made with a few of my pictures and video clips from this week:

The Journey of Silence


Reuniting with friends and family

As I set my feet on American ground 3 weeks ago I had no idea what to expect. I knew that I would be experiencing many reverse culture shock moments, many tears of joy while reuniting with friends and family, and as many long conversations and hugs and kisses that I could possibly squeeze into 2 months of being home.

The culture shock happened in the Miami airport just moments after landing. As I walked through the brand new customs area, there is a huge sign that says “Welcome to The United States of America” and I’m pretty sure everyone around me thought I was psychotic with how big of a smile was on my face.  As I walked to get my baggage and go to my next flight I stopped at the corner newsstand store to get a fresh bottle of water. I walked in and immediately walked out as my heart started racing. My eyes and brain literally were unable to focus on everything in this tiny little store.  Sensory overload doesn’t begin to explain what I experienced. The following first few days were just like that; grocery stores, driving for the first time, hearing my first commercial for some ridiculously expensive product, it was all so overwhelming.

The one type of culture shock that I wasn’t anticipating as much was the spiritual one.  I have spent the last 7 months living in a dark country. A place where God is moving so powerfully in the lives of the people, but Haiti is still engrossed in spiritual darkness. I don’t specifically talk about this aspect of my life in Haiti very often but it is there. There is a huge voodoo presence there and we see the bondage and results of it almost every day that we are out in the field. I dealt with my fair share of spiritual warfare while being there on my own. Though I know it comes with the territory when you are living out your days in a dark place that God is using you so much for His glory, you never know how the enemy will choose to attack. My personal weakness is anxiety and that’s what he chose to attack me with while I was in Haiti. It has been a life-long struggle for me, but when you’re in a foreign country alone without your support system of family, therapists or doctors, it is hard to gain control on your own. That’s where the 100% dependence on God comes in. I was there with no outside resource to help me manage my stress and anxiety, except being comforted solely by my heavenly Father. It’s such a hard place to be sometimes, but it’s such an incredible place to be also. He always shows up.

Fun trip to Iowa last week

Fun trip to Iowa last week

I have come back to the states for just under two months for the holidays and thought that this was my retrieve from the spiritual warfare. This was to be my time for physical, emotional, and spiritual rest to rejuvenate me as I return for the next year in Haiti and whatever comes my way.

One week to the day from returning to California I woke up with no hearing in my left ear and extreme vertigo. It was the day before Thanksgiving and my Dad took me to Urgent Care and they ended up sending me immediately to the hospital for further tests. After ten plus hours in the ER and finally seeing Dr. Aaron, the ENT (ear, nose, and throat) Specialist, she diagnosed me with Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Loss. The vertigo was caused by the inflammation of the nerve in my ear that was damaged in some way causing the sudden deafness.  Dr. Aaron gave me medication for the vertigo so that I could walk and function and steroids to take for two weeks for the hearing loss. She told me right then that I have a 30% of getting my hearing totally back, 30% chance that it would improve some, and a 30% chance that it would stay deaf. The other 10% is that there could be a growth or tumor that is pressing on the nerve in my ear, but that usually causes a slowly progressing deafness as it grows, so it was unlikely the case for me. I was scheduled to come back for a full audiogram test after the Thanksgiving weekend to decide just how profound the hearing loss was and then it would be repeated after the full two weeks on the steroids. The first audio gram showed complete hearing loss in my left ear and all normal ranges for my right.

The following two weeks were a serious spiritual battle for me. The first week, I was still almost completely debilitated with my vertigo so I couldn’t do much at all and I needed a lot of assistance. I wasn’t sleeping because I kept testing my ears, plugging one and then the other to see if I thought it was improving at all.  I kept thinking, if this is the worst thing physically that ever happens to me, I am so blessed. I had peace amid my fear, but still really struggled with the difficulties of not being able to hear when people spoke to me.  And my brain was doing weird things to overcompensate with the other ear.  I kept hope in the promises of my Savior and his healing power and purpose in my life.

Two days ago I took my second audio gram after finishing the hard core regimen of medication and there was no improvement.  Dr. Aaron came in after my test and told me that my job now is to take good care of my right ear because it’s all I will have for the rest of my life. She said that since I don’t have ANY hearing in my left ear I am not a candidate for a hearing aid at all. We will still do an MRI to just double check that there is no growth before I head back to Haiti and that’s all.

I live in Haiti and see things every single day that are so much worse than losing your hearing in one ear. This is not something that will prevent me from doing the work God has called me to do. It could have been a leg, an eye, a serious illness or so many things that would have stopped me from being able to get on a plane back to Haiti in January.  But, why? Aren’t I supposed to be in Sanctuary right now in the states? Isn’t this supposed to be where the spiritual warfare just chills out so that I can spend time with my family and preparing my heart and body for the long months ahead in Haiti?

Iowa Snow!!

Iowa Snow!!

If you ever want to know that you are being used by God, wake up one day with complete hearing loss in one ear. I have and will probably always struggle with grasping whether or not God is able to use my broken and sinful self, but He apparently thinks I can handle a lot and He likes to test me on it.  This situation has proven to me even more that I am right where God wants me. The enemy followed me all the way home to the States to try to crush my spirit and to stop me from going back to Haiti. Can you imagine what God has in store for me this next year in Haiti?!! I won’t pretend for one minute that I have a clue what He is going to do, but I am pumped and I will be there to allow Him to use me for that purpose.  It will be harder for me without hearing in one ear, but nowhere near impossible. I will do what I need to do to not let it get in the way and try to keep myself spiritually on track so that I don’t let it discourage me.

My God is Faithful. My flight is booked back to Haiti on January 15, 2014 and God has already provided $6,000 of my personal support for next year. I still have $9,000 to raise before I go back and I am trusting Him fully to provide that as well. I am so grateful for all of the prayers and financial support that all of you have given to me and especially for believing in what we are doing in Haiti.

If you would like to help with my financial support and you would like a tax-deductable receipt you can simply send a check to:

Christian Life Church
ATTN: Cynthia-Haiti
P.O. Box 8527
La Crescenta, Ca 91224

If you don’t need the tax deductible receipt you could also visit:
and donate there as well.

The Journey Home

Me2!EThis last six and half months have been filled with so many emotions. I have experienced a joy in knowing that I am right where God wants me to be, finally. There has been moments of loneliness being so far away from my friends and family and not having a spouse or partner to share this with. I have met some amazing people that have inspired me and fed my soul. I spent the summer with three of the most amazing 20 yr olds as my interns and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for their lives. Teams have come and gone and I have had the opportunity to meet people from places that I have never been that I truly believe will be long-term friends. I have discovered things about myself that I never knew I was capable of. Things like living without hot water, air conditioning or the guarantee of electricity. Like getting used to driving up and down dirt roads filled with pot-holes and people walking all around you with no shoes. Getting used to the fact that every moment I am at home I have to have a fan blowing directly onma and the boysE me, no matter what I’m doing, which includes me finding anything that I can use as a paperweight to hold down my paperwork. Like throwing out the window any germaphobic tendencies I may have to embrace and give kisses to a child that I am desperately in love with that probably hasn’t bathed in days. To feeling a feeling so deep in my soul that I can’t even breathe of the Love that God has for us, for all of us.

God has not only used my experiences of Haiti and the Haitian people but Americans that are here temporarily to speak into my life so profoundly. I have made friendships and connections to some amazing Godly people that I pray I will be able to keep in touch with and that can continue to speak into my life. I have shared the hurtful stories of my past and have been blessed by others words of encouragement and assurance. God has allowed me to be me and use just that. He doesn’t have to turn me into the woman that I think I have to be before he can use me. He has used me just as I am, broken and redeemed.  It has been amazing and freeing to be in a place that I can just be vulnerable to whatever He has in store and sit back and watch Him orchestrate the things that He can use for His glory.

me and aliEI came to Haiti with little expectations, as I have said. Coming from a Retail Management background where every interview I have been in I have been asked where I see myself in 2 yrs, 5 yrs, 10 yrs, and I better have goals and plans to aspire too. I have felt like somewhat of a failure for a long time for not knowing what my future holds. For not having a huge dramatic goal to work towards. Ever since my divorce about 7 years ago, I have been in survival mode and that’s about it. God has revealed to me that sometimes survival mode is a good place to be. That’s the place that you desperately need Him to show up and provide. To prove Himself to you.  To allow Him to create the plan and you won’t get in the way of it. I love this place. I love Him being in control and though I’m sad that it has taken me so many years to get here, I’m grateful I am now.

God has shown me that He is not finished with me here in Haiti yet. Though next Wednesday I Me and twinsEwill be on American soil for the first time since the first of May, I don’t find that to be my home for now. Haiti is my home. It is where my heart and His heart in me reside so therefore I must as well. It is hard for me to think about and plan to raise the $15,000 in support I need to have in order to come back here, but I believe that it is God’s plan which means that He is in control. It is such a blessing to have a position in which I feel fulfilled and I can be a blessing to others. God has placed me with an incredible organization and Directors that I believe in and who believe in me.

This is going to be my life’s verse for this next step as I live to serve Him and His people in Haiti.

MeE“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from the darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendoSONY DSCr” (Isaiah 61:1-3).

If you would like to pray for me or donate financially towards my next year of serving here, please visit my GoFundMe page
@http://www.gofundme.com/Send-Cynthia-to-Haiti or

Send a check to:  Christian Life Church
ATTN: Cynthia-Haiti
P.O. Box 8527
La Crescenta, Ca 91224

Expectations of the Journey

“I could just sit and wait for all Your goodness, Hope to feel Your presence. I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel You.  And I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside. And I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home, never let these walls down.

But You have called me higher You have called me deeper,  And I’ll go where You will lead me Lord.” -All Sons & DaughtersSONY DSC

I had an interesting conversation with someone the other day about missionaries.  It was something that I knew and have felt but never had heard spoken out loud.  We feel like we are called to go and work in a foreign land and be the hands and feet of Jesus. We know the Word and the message that God wants to bring to these people. We know the healing that God has for them and we will go and bring it to them. What I think we don’t realize or can so easily forget, is the message and the healing that God has these people bring to US.  Just like these song lyrics say, I will go where you lead me Lord, knowing what that means: that if I go you will change ME from the inside and break these walls down.  This is not always a graceful thing to realize or accept.  When you are in a different country trying to minister to others, God uses those people and experiences to expose deep rooted pain and internal issues that you might not have known you have.  Now here you are, alone in this country, with just you and God dealing with this amazing mess of healing.

When you start a new job, you have expectations.  Expectations of how fulfilling it will be, how good you will be at it, what you will contribute to it, what you will get out of it,  what relationships you will make along the way and what you will learn from it.  When you move to a new city you have expectations. Expectations of the new friendships you will develop, of the new amazing church you will find, of the fun places there will be for you to visit, of that favorite restaurant you will discover and love.  But, I never really thought about my expectations of the mission field.  I just knew that God sent me here and I had to go believing that He will work out the rest.image(3)

When I moved back to Los Angeles about a year ago, I knew what I needed to be successful in my journey. I needed community. I found it immediately with awesome new people at Basileia, my church in Hollywood, thanks to my brother and his friends. When I left this Spring for Haiti, I felt confident and blessed by the community of friends and family back home who were partnering with me and praying for me which I knew would be the only way I could be affective here.  I knew that when I got off of the plane, God would be here to embrace me and guide me since he sent me here in the first place. I assumed that is all I would need. The thing I wasn’t expecting is to still need community.  Although my support from back home is so huge and it encourages me daily, I’ve come to realize that it’s not enough.  It might sound silly, but I didn’t realize that everywhere I go, the person that God created me to be doesn’t change.  I think I just sub-consciously thought that God would transition those feelings and needs into something totally different in Haiti.  The things that He created me to crave and long for are still there. He definitely fills in those gaps and adjusts to my surroundings somewhat, but the core need doesn’t change. It might look different, but it is the same. I need like-minded people around me that are going through similar day to day activities and struggles. People that I can relate to and can encourage and lift me up. I desire to have a partner to share my calling to this country and to walk this journey with me.  I need to feel like my gifts and talents contribute to my success here and my experiences can make a difference in other people’s lives.

SONY DSCFortunately, I feel I have found most of those things since I have been here. I know I long for more and that will never change but I am so blessed with what I have. I have a position (although everyday looks completely different than the one before) I believe I am really contributing to and believe I am needed here for. I am privileged to work for an organization and people that appreciate me and what I have to offer in service to others.  People who have been around for a long time and have lived and learned things I need to know. I believe that we can continue to learn and grow together.


Some of my crazy/amazing support back home

That said, I am still looking for the right community The Lord has for me. I had the amazing blessing of my parents coming to visit for an entire week a little bit ago and we had a blast. I will be honest and say that some definite loneliness has set in since they left though because I have really realized what it would be like to have a better support system here. Not just on the phone or online, but present right here. As I am sitting in my room feeling alone and sorry for myself the other day and wondering why God would send me here to be all alone, I had a very humbling moment. I realized that I haven’t even talked to him about my feelings and what I sense I need. I haven’t even asked him to open up the right doors for the community that I need here, believing that he wants that for me also.  My prayers are often about other things and other people and I struggle to be honest with myself about what I think God can do for me.

I have met people since I’ve been here that are pro’s at this whole Missionary thing. I’ve also met a lot of people that are still figuring it all out.  I am definitely still figuring it out, but I’m a newbie.  I know that God has a community for me here and I will pray that I will find it.  Or maybe God is saying that it is my responsibility to create it! To find the other Cynthia Foster’s, other newbie missionaries who need each other and help create a community for us here.  Either way, I am going to talk to God and be honest with Him about my needs and wants. It seems so simple…”Tomorrow’s Freedom is Today’s Surrender!” 🙂


“Tomorrow’s Freedom is
Today’s Surrender”
My new tattoo written in Creole
Thanks to Ayiti Ink!


Glorious Ruins

I have been thinking a lot about ruins lately.  On the new Hillsong Live CD, the title track is called “Glorious Ruins”  and it reminds me so much of where I am right now, both geographically and in my heart.

“When the mountains fallSONY DSC
And the tempest roars You are with me
When creation folds
Still my soul will soar on Your Mercy

I’ll walk through the fire
With my head lifted high
And my spirit revived in Your story
And I’ll look to the cross
As my failure is lost
In the light of Your glorious grace

SONY DSCLet the ruins come to life
In the beauty of Your Name
Rising up from the ashes
God forever You reign”

While I am living in Haiti, I am surrounded by ruins.

As I drive around Haiti in any direction I see buildings destroyed by the earthquake. I see half fallen down businesses and empty lots with few bricks left where a home used to be with a family living inside. It’s so hard not to wonder as you drive by, were they inside when it fell? If not, where are they living now?  Will they ever be able to afford to rebuild?

All over Haiti you also see buildings that have
walls that are being built up. SONY DSCThey have begun the process of rebuilding and it might take them years before it will be complete. Sometimes it’s hard to see the difference between the ones that are half standing from the destruction or half standing from construction.  The process looks the same during many stages.SONY DSCIt makes me wonder how often we look at people in the place that they are. We look at an unfinished structure and don’t see very far past the damage.  Past the destruction and don’t even realize or recognize the amazing rebuilding that is happening.

God has such a powerful way of being able to pick up
those blocks, add a little new cement and build it back up.SONY DSC


After the earthquake in Haiti in 2010, they went around and spray painted in 3 different colors on the outside gate of the homes and businesses. Green was to say that the building hasn’t had too much damage and you can enter. Yellow meant that it was damaged but able to be repaired, and Red meant that it was gone or hopeless and too damaged to repair.

Dear Jesus, thank you for not labeling me hopeless or too damaged to repair. I have been through a lot in my short 32 years of being alive.  I have been destroyed and ruined by the actions of people that were close to me and some that were not. I have been abandoned and abused and left only to lean on my Savior to repair the damage. It left me jaded and broken trying everyday to hide the look of despair and hopelessness in my appearance, sometimes damaging myself further in the process. Longing for someone to see me for more than the broken bricks and unstable foundation. For someone to look past the destruction and see the potential for a newer stronger structure to be built.

I recently finished reading “Undaunted” by Christine Caine and she explains living a life undaunted by the things that have happened to you or that you have done. About living a life free from those burdens and allowing God to completely rebuild you and make you new again. She says, “Jesus loves us and chooses us and makes us whole, not only for his pleasure but so that we SONY DSCmight join him in reaching a world otherwise lost.”  He alone has the power and just as I drive around Haiti and see new buildings that have gone up and look beautiful, we can be transformed into a new building, a new life with hope and promises and new memories to be made there.  And we won’t be rebuilt into a unstable, unreliable building. We will be rebuilt into a stronger, earthquake-proof structure with a stable foundation that we can add onto and feel comfort in.

Thank you Jesus for rebuilding me into a vessel that can help others. May I never take that for granted or misuse this new structure that you have made me into and may I use the rest of my life to use it for your glory.




This post is dedicated to my parents, Randy and Charlotte Foster, who not only have been the leading hands that God has used during my personal rebuilding process, but are in a literal rebuilding process themselves.  They took over a church almost 3 years ago that had burnt down in 2006 and have been on the brave journey of rebuilding. The people in this church have been so faithful to trust God with the provisions on this building and to bring the lost and searching. They are a great testimony of how we need to believe God and His word while giving him control and He will rise us up out of the Ashes and rebuild.  CLC-LC-perspective-NW-from-corner-150x150