If you have been following me through this blog, you know that God removed every “key” from my key-chain almost a year ago, in preparation to move me into a new place, both physically and spiritually. On May 5th I will begin to fill a new key-chain, in Haiti. . It’s been a time of waiting and listening, kicking and screaming, laughing and resting, frustration and contentment. God has been planning things for me that I never thought were possible.
I love to pack. Not packing to move, but packing for a trip. For me, half of the fun of going on a fun trip is in the excitement of planning and looking forward to it while purchasing tiny little bottles of things you don’t really need but are cute and small. In January, I was given the opportunity to join the team at World Wide Village (WWV) in Port au Prince, Haiti beginning in May for a 6 month internship. I have had roughly four months of preparation for this next step in this journey. There has been physical preparation like buying the things (clothing, toothpaste, deodorant, vitamins, luggage, etc) to bring with me for my time there, getting shots, physicals, and getting rid of the beautiful highlights in my hair that I will no longer be able to maintain. There has been spiritual and mental preparation while getting ready to adjust to a whole new life and culture while leaving behind my entire comfort zone of hot water, driving, Mexican food, time with friends/family, my church, my own room, and nail polish. Yes, nail polish is part of my comfort zone.
My comfort zone also includes the luxury of planning. I am a hard worker that will do what it takes to earn what I need/want and I enjoy doing it. I am a leader and a planner that will write out a game plan and structure of what needs to be done and make it happen. But, God wants to be in charge and take control of His plans.
This prep time has required a lot of trust, not that I am always good at it. Trust that God will provide the $10,000 that I had to raise in order to follow this call and go through this open door. What I didn’t realize is that this trust doesn’t only look like praying and allowing God to provide for me during this time. It comes with a lot of different emotions that come along with asking friends, family, churches, and strangers to financially invest in you and your calling. I have had to be 100% dependent on the idea that people think and believe enough in me and what God can do through me in Haiti, that I will do the right things when I get there, and their money will be worth spending on me. If they don’t, I can’t raise the money and this door that I have been waiting for, will rapidly slam in my face. I never thought of that aspect of this process. I know that I am dependent on God and his provisions and I am totally ok with that. But, to basically ask everyone you know for their approval in you and your abilities was a lot for me to handle. I have spent years working on building up my self-worth in God’s kingdom after years of events and people that tore it away from me.
But I can say one thing, when God wants to prove something to you, He will. God wanted me to lean in and trust Him, not only for the actual finances, but to believe that I am worth investing in. And I am. Because I was able to accept that truth from Him, I was able to allow people to bless me both through prayer and finances and God will bless them for it.
The response from everyone has been more than overwhelming and I cannot believe that through them God has provided all of the needed money and now I have an army of prayer warriors while I am over there.
I have been so blessed with the community of people that God has surrounded me with and it has been crucial to prepare me for this time away from those relationships.
I am looking forward to the friendships I will build while I am there with the beautiful Haitian people, as well as Americans that are on our mission’s teams that I will work with. Just as the director at WWV, Randy tells me to do, I am praying audacious prayers of what God will do in and through me in Haiti.
I will board the plane at 6am on Sunday morning , after saying goodbye to these amazing faces and many more, with the lyrics of my favorite All Sons and Daughters song ringing in my head…”Tomorrow’s Freedom is Today’s Surrender”.